Secret Ambition

My ambition comes from my passion: finding what I love and then expanding on that.

Miranda Kerr

Photo by Thomas Martinsen via Unsplash
Photo by Thomas Matinsen

I’ve always wanted to write. In my mind, I’ve always referred to it as my secret ambition. I’ve written short stories and even an almost-finished novel during my elementary and high school years. Of course, there were also the diaries.

I admit I don’t have that much creative juices in me. Writing about my personal life has always been easier than making up stories. As the years went on–when I reached the age full of teenage drama–I stuck to just writing diaries. They were good entries, if I have to say so myself. They were so good that I’d cringe at how romantic (for lack of better adjective) the 15-year-old me used to be. Well, it just so happened that it was the time of my first broken heart.

Anyway, the time for college applications came. Family pressure and pride had me applying only for the prestigious universities in the country. Peer pressure had me applying for math-related majors (because they said I was good at it) or business-related majors (because that seemed to be where everyone was heading off to).

There was one application that differed from the rest, though. I tried to apply for a Creative Writing major. It was only a second choice in my application, however. The first choice was Accountancy, which seemed a practical choice at that time– I was “good” in math and it seemed to be a field that I could excel at, so why not? Still, a girl hoped for her dream choice.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get both. I ended taking Mathematics major instead–and yes, in one of the most prestigious schools in the country, as expected of me. After four years, I got my degree. Now, I’m an Analyst. No regrets, though. I love my job, I love what I do. 🙂

I never got to tell anyone about this secret ambition of mine (well, except for the past few weeks, which led me to this). People who knows me only knows that I like to write (and read). Nobody really knows how much I want it.

One day, I woke up with this nagging feeling that I have to write again. So I went back to writing in a diary. However, with busyness at work, with technology distracting me and with relationships being maintained, I just couldn’t keep it up. Still, the feeling kept growing.

I am a silent person. I tend to keep my thoughts and opinions to myself. Yet these thoughts are what keep this feeling growing. These thoughts, with speech as my weakness, are the things that I should have said. These thoughts that are worthy to be written.

So here I am, expressing my thoughts to you. Let this be my first step to my secret ambition. 🙂

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